I really need to update my journals as often as I could XD Hello, everyone. Me back resting from tiring work in real life. You see, I seem to underestimate my time spending here. Despite in holiday semester, I ended up in yet another situations which everything ended up me of all in family to help taking care of everything. Like for example, I had to accompany my very old grandparents, cooking something for them and basically taking care of house while everyone else out work or do some stuff they need to do (Basically I mostly home alone)
Though I already predict that
even I work so hard, I never received good rewards I finished my Final Year Project with at least few praise but unfortunately most of people passed by doesn't seem to impress. Don't worry I can take that. And then I never get anything good despite doing most chorses and end up being a person who can take a lot of stressful and hurtful complains from my mom
no she not mad at me. She just frustrated to my father and she end up talked everything to me when we alone. But seriously, it's been too much. Then I had to work every last of my stamina in kitchen to help mom to cook for feast for 2 days straight (31st August and 1st September). Finally I can rest peaceful. I think I can hold longer for that hype works. What can get any worse happen?
*open DA*
*see
DeviantUniverse's journal*
*realised I no longer part of DU*
Oh booy. How that happen? I just got
kicked out from that group for not active much without I noticed (and obviously because I didn't submit the last month challenge. Of course....) Hahaha......Thanks a lot, I guess?
Well.....since I out from that group, I just want to admit something. I personally felt stressful lately due to
deadlines. In my college, I have some moments which I end up have one week deadlines and manage to submit my work (well...mostly) Imagine yourself have a lot of works with all of them have same deadline, in same day! So for have monthly challenge, plus many other projects to draw for college, you can understand that I have timing issues with deadlines. And no kidding, I may will have phobia of short or too much deadlines.
How do I feel right now is the question. After got kicked out...you could say I'm both hurtful and happy(?). Reason for feeling hurtful is because it feels like I just got betrayal feelings (yeah that's not my first time. I been through so much worse). But what about feeling happy? I felt happy because for some reason, I feel lighter. Perhaps because of I feel free from burden. Especially deadlines. I no longer worry for deadlines! Yaaay!
I just gonna say that I say that because it doesn't feel enjoyable and fun anymore the longer I stay in DeviantUniverse. Before I realised,
I felt more stressful and shivering in both real life and internet. I can't stay focused for both college work and Monthly Challenges together. And for that unfortunately, I decided to stop drawing
No, not forever
I just need some time to relax. Since I finally have time to feel free, I need to calm down and released my painful feelings from my heart. Doing too much things can cause myself unable to express my creativity and inspiration to draw. Maybe it is too big for me to handle.....
Good news, however. I may will start focused more of my character bios, concepts and illustrations. When I feel ok, I will draw. I think I believe I can do anything so far. Thank you for my friends who supports me till now. (Sorry I kinda too lazy to tag who my friends that support me a lot but if you reading this, just thinking that you area one of the friends I mention ^w^ ). I will continue fight in my life for sake of myself and you all.
© CrystalViolet500