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CrystalViolet500

I gonna catch up. lol
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How long have I been long hiatus? Lol I don't remember. But Yeah I have long reason.


As far as I can remember, I stopped draw due to the impact emotionally from my brother's passing. After that....well...A loooooot of things happen.


Got work as an animator again at the same company that hired me as an intern. Work so far is good. Until during March I had to resign. But not because of my work become weaker and bad. No. My health currently in high risk, which is High Blood pressure that may cause Hypertension if I work too long. The company reconsider my health and decided to resign me early. I gonna miss my work there. But health takes priority


Another thing happen is...I no longer stay with my family. No no. Not because of what happen back then.


I got married on July 2019 to the man that loves me despite my looks IRL. I currently stayed with him and his family. So far nothing happen. We still do what we usually do before marriage; watch Youtube, housework, games, etc. Who would had thought that to be free from my past hell is to get married. I believe we can do together through any problems ahead of us. Wish us luck



I haven't draw looooong. Can you believe it? Haha. So....my skill had to be refreshed starting today. So if my artstyle look different, sorry bout that. I tried my best to get the inspiration in my drawings.


Thanks for reading o3ob

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Hello. Guess you all already expected this that I been inactive for long time. A lot of stuff happen....but this time it brings an impact to me because it was....unexpected.

Let me tell you a story. When I was still like in elementary school, me and my siblings got Playstation 1 as our first console gaming. I olay it but pretty bad. Though the one play the most, even spent some money for rpg-like game....is my brother. Everyday I always watched him played games. One of first games he play is Megaman X4, I kinda like.....amazed by X and Zero's look. And thats how I ended up becoming a fam of Megaman Series, of course when my brother bought and play X5 and Megaman 8.

Later on, he played other games and as usual, I still watched him, even when we got ourselves Playstation 2 after few years. We were in middle High School after that. Slowly, thanks to my brother with his games he played, I started to be interest of the stories, the artwork and such, I even started buy a comic book for first time because I took interest thanks to his gaming geek. At that time I never had any comic book before in my life until that time.

When we got older and reach to college and stuff, I got kicked out from university for being inactive( that time I took Accounting). I was depressed and not sure what to do. Other than mom, he was one of few people who tried to cheer me up, even just a tiny bit. Miracle came when mom gave me a sexond chance to redeem myself, and it was worth it. Not aware, I slowly built up myself and become one of great students in major of creative muitimedia, both in Diploma and Degree. Thanks to my influenced to comics and games, I slowly upgrafe my drawing style, which people around me impressed of my artwork. To make it surprised, I was one of few people who actually have good draw skills compare to Graphic Design students, for someone from Multimedia.

Thanks to multimedia, I got to learn some basics about animation. I may like to design more than animattion, but someone praised me that I got the talents. My brother impressed by my work. Even after I got a new work career as an animator during my Internship. In Malaysia, mastered animation skill and get a job as one really rare and impossible to achieves. But luckily I was one of the achieved ones. But of course, doubt and underestimate within me still troubled my thoughts. It was my brother who advised me..... a lot of times to keep forward, because he knows my talents and he believed I can do it. He was very high spirited compare to me, yet he thought I went through a lot and more confident.


"Just keep forward, and one day we'll be success and proud of what we had done"

............

On 17th May 2018, my beloved brother....had passed away........due to high blood pressure got him stroke, and he was too late to be saved. He didn't reached 30, yet......

Since he left us, a lot of tears my family made, even myself. He brought influence to me to have a goal, my purpose, and my dream with my drawing and design skills to have a meaning in life. All because his influence....and his believed hope. Everytime I woke up and leave my room, I always imagine him play his PS4 in his room, which is now no one there.......even the time I actually still watch him played his games in his own PS4.

I took time for me to draw back. If it wasn't for my brother, I wouldn't think to start drawing and loves for games and comics. Now he's gone.....I not sure what to do now. I was heart broke.


But I know he doesn't want to see me easily give up. I remembered I once promised in front of him...that I will continue my career as animator as my first job, because he believed I can do it.

"Just keep forward. You can do it"

I may depressed and very sad right now, but soon I will have that spirit back. Because i make promise to him, because it meaningful to my life and........because of my brother's high hope. I will not give up just because he is no more. I will move forward...because of him

Thank you, my dear brother.
You always advised me positively to move forward. Thank you...
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I really need to update my journals as often as I could XD


Hello, everyone. Me back resting from tiring work in real life. You see, I seem to underestimate my time spending here. Despite in holiday semester, I ended up in yet another situations which everything ended up me of all in family to help taking care of everything. Like for example, I had to accompany my very old grandparents, cooking something for them and basically taking care of house while everyone else out work or do some stuff they need to do (Basically I mostly home alone)

Though I already predict that even I work so hard, I never received good rewards I finished my Final Year Project with at least few praise but unfortunately most of people passed by doesn't seem to impress. Don't worry I can take that. And then I never get anything good despite doing most chorses and end up being a person who can take a lot of stressful and hurtful complains from my mom no she not mad at me. She just frustrated to my father and she end up talked everything to me when we alone. But seriously, it's been too much. Then I had to work every last of my stamina in kitchen to help mom to cook for feast for 2 days straight (31st August and 1st September). Finally I can rest peaceful. I think I can hold longer for that hype works. What can get any worse happen?


*open DA*
*see DeviantUniverse's journal*
*realised I no longer part of DU*



Oh booy. How that happen? I just got kicked out from that group for not active much without I noticed (and obviously because I didn't submit the last month challenge. Of course....) Hahaha......Thanks a lot, I guess?


Well.....since I out from that group, I just want to admit something. I personally felt stressful lately due to deadlines. In my college, I have some moments which I end up have one week deadlines and manage to submit my work (well...mostly) Imagine yourself have a lot of works with all of them have same deadline, in same day! So for have monthly challenge, plus many other projects to draw for college, you can understand that I have timing issues with deadlines. And no kidding, I may will have phobia of short or too much deadlines.


How do I feel right now is the question. After got kicked out...you could say I'm both hurtful and happy(?). Reason for feeling hurtful is because it feels like I just got betrayal feelings (yeah that's not my first time. I been through so much worse). But what about feeling happy? I felt happy because for some reason, I feel lighter. Perhaps because of I feel free from burden. Especially deadlines. I no longer worry for deadlines! Yaaay!





I just gonna say that I say that because it doesn't feel enjoyable and fun anymore the longer I stay in DeviantUniverse. Before I realised, I felt more stressful and shivering in both real life and internet. I can't stay focused for both college work and Monthly Challenges together. And for that unfortunately, I decided to stop drawing

No, not forever
I just need some time to relax. Since I finally have time to feel free, I need to calm down and released my painful feelings from my heart. Doing too much things can cause myself unable to express my creativity and inspiration to draw. Maybe it is too big for me to handle.....



Good news, however. I may will start focused more of my character bios, concepts and illustrations. When I feel ok, I will draw. I think I believe I can do anything so far. Thank you for my friends who supports me till now. (Sorry I kinda too lazy to tag who my friends that support me a lot but if you reading this, just thinking that you area one of the friends I mention ^w^ ). I will continue fight in my life for sake of myself and you all.


© CrystalViolet500
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Sorry..

2 min read
You guys may be wonder why I not posting more artworks lately. You see, I currently take Final Year Project which have to be done individually. As a student of Creative Multimedia, a lot of development progress had to be done along with a proposal research report. Right now I have to do an interactive application project and so far I've done almost fully in pre-production. I have no choice but to sacrifices my sleep hours that cause me either sleep late or sleepless. To make it sounds more busy, my other 2 subjects seems to give me sudden assignments or homework when the time I had to show my progress on same weeks, over and over again. Some tests and minor works of other subjects may not fully great for me, but at least I manage to finish up character designs, script writing and storyboard which takes almost 2 months.

However.......

During my presentation, although I got good design, but the judges, which is the lecturers of my faculty, does not satisfied for my report. There seems to be a lot of mistakes and too much information. In other words, the presentation is bad. Though there are also other classmates in same fate as me, even with the good grades students. But among the class, I was the worst situation....

which I burst into tears.


Few of my classmates noticed my condition. They cheer me up a little, at least. Though they told me I am overstress and should rest for few days......

So what I'm trying to say is....I may be fall to limit. Too much stress leads me to major changes. I no longer enjoy watch videos, or even music and drawing. There may be possible I will snapped to deep depression. I might do unrasional act one day. I need help....

But no one will understand.

Sorry for the emotional news. And sorry that I have to be hiatus, even for :icondeviantuniverse:.
I need time to calm myself and finished up the semester. And I'm sorry for being too emotional.......
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Hello. Hi. Sorry for long semi hiatus (or full hiatus maybe?) Some of you may no longer know whats going on to me, some of you still care, perhaps. You could say that a lot of....things happen which possible cause me to have art block

First of all, I finally finish my semester (yaaay!) but the holiday ends in two weeks (aww) My college seems to be too fast in managing time so expect for me who have lots of final projects to be finished in short time as multimedia student, it went very hell to me.

In addition, I currently fasting in Ramadhan Month. What's that? Well in short, it's that time of month which muslims like me had to be fasting from early morning to late evening for the whole month in the tradition. The ramadhan Month will end in same time when my holiday semester ends, by the way.

Anyway....When I said I have art block earlier, it actually had something to do with well... personal problems instead of out of ideas. Family problem especially. They seem to think of blaming me for lack of social towards relatives. That actually happen to me for first time because I never done that before. For first time that day, I still feel tired despite few days the semester ends. I end up sleeping when they came. The next day, my parents complain. Well...maybe it's my fault for not able to meet my relatives. Next time I try my best.......I think

Enough of my family drama. Recently I heard about the game; Mighty No.9 released this week. Of course I kinda excited, but I also confuse why the ratings become 50/50. I tried play the beginnig stage. So far nothing odd happen besides different abilities compare to Megaman. Maybe I haven't play far yet? Other than that, the graphic and concepts seem awesome from my point of view.

Sometimes we should give it a chance. As a Multimedia Student, I know the stuggles when creating a new game or even animation series. Trust me, I been through that in few college projects and I can already tell the challenging is beyond everyone's expectation. Really...REALLY CHALLENGING. So yeah, you can complain of my choice but this is my thoughts. So I will give this a chance despite 50/50 ratings. I might play more when I have the chance.


And thats all I can say. I try my best to draw when I have time. Sorry for those who make promise to me to finish what we promise. Have a nice day


~CrystalViolet500
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